Things are still rough. Saw my GP on Friday and she's upped my anti-depressants, and is chasing up my Stepping Stones referral. Managed tp miss a counselling appointment in the midst of the descended black cloud, so have rebooked it.

I want the security blanket of Jeremy and Andy back. I know Andy didn't take any crap, and could see through the quiet pauses, and help me talk through a flashback. I'm worried the new counsellor I'll see at the Crisis Centre won't be as good, even though I know I need to give them a chance!

Work and kids are my light right now, both my kids, and the kids at work. Watching them lost in the world of play, and cuddles and presents of drawings and such are getting me through.

Self harm is difficult again. The calming effects are back, and it's hard to keep it to a minimum. Keeping it to when the kids aren't around though, so that's something.

I'm getting lost in reading, and colouring a lot of the time. It's a break from reality. I'm getting moaned at a lot about the house, but I just don't have the energy or the drive!

Met up Den recently. We've been talking since he left Anne and came back to the UK, and it was nice to meet up with him, Nanny Grace, Uncle Eddie, Lou and Gez. I was worried the atmosphere was going to be strained, but it flowed easily, and everyone got on well, and the kids behaved beautifully!

As a positive, we've started a jar in the kitchen for happy moments and memories for this year. Its helping with a brighter focus, and the kids are enjoying it to!