My littles aren't so chaotic today.  I'm mainly hearing Titch, who's unsure about starting therapy again in case Oya leaves as well.  She doesn't want to talk, she didn't like me telling my counsellor about the court case, or what sentence he got as she worries about my grandad.

While I'm typing this, I can feel myself going fuzzy - like she wants to come forward, but Si's here, and he's on the phone with work, so his voice is keeping me present, and she's reluctant.

Clairabelle, who's said she wants to be called 'Belle' and it's too long, wants to draw - so I'm going to get some crayons out later.

Well, I saw my GP the other day, and she was wonderful.  She agreed with the diagnosis, but asked loads of questions about the voices I'm hearing - I presume to check I'm not schizophrenic or anything instead.  She wanted to check that they talked to me, rather than about me, and that they didn't ask me to do anything harmful.  After her questions, she was quick to reassure me that it's all normal, and doesn't need medicating, or a referral to another psychiatrist.  She said therapy is the way forward, and as I'm already doing that, just to carry on as I am, but she was pleased I'd told her as it may be useful for them to know in the future. 

We spoke about my problems sleeping, and she warned me that I can't drive for 6 hours after taking diazepam anymore...  so I used to take it at 3am as a last resort if sleep evaded me, but now she suggested I take it no later than 1 or 2am.  I told her about my aromatherapy burner and the 'rescue remedy' night time stuff, and she said it sounded a good thing to try.  So far, it's helped me sleep for the last couple of nights.

I met with the new counsellor, Oya, yesterday.  She was very different from my last one, both in looks and approach.  The looks bit doesn't bother me, but we are in a new room, which my littles don't like so much as it's a red theme, not blue which they prefer.  In approach, she likes to use crayons and paper and art stuff, and shells and stones in the therapy session, which I don't mind - I quite like the idea of an art input, and my littles love the idea!  She also said that educating myself is important, and might give me print outs to read, or recommendations of stuff to read - which again, I like the idea of.  I like to be informed about what's going on, so any extra information has to be good.

She asked about the trial, and I gave her a brief run through, and she said how I deserved for good things to happen to me, and to work through how this all affects me - I struggle to believe I'm worth it, and I told her I prosecuted to stop him hurting others, rather than for me.  Again, she said we can work on that in session.

Unfortunately, she's on annual leave for two weeks now, but I'll see her again on the 24th, and we'll start the year's sessions then.  I did tell her my littles were nervous and scared at the moment, and constant talking to me about how I shouldn't be talking, and she said that'll ease with time, and there's no rush.  I talked about the sleeping problems, and again she said until my littles talk to her, or express themselves somehow, they'll be talking to be, so I just need to give it time.  She suggested meditation may help, so I'm going to try that.

The kids are in school again today, so I have the joys of housework again.