So, I don't even know where to begin. I haven't posted on here for so long!!

The Social Services stuff is still hanging over us. We're currently on a Child Protection plan as they believe my son to be a threat to my daughter. The YOS recommended a referral to the Maudsley back in May but we're still waiting for Social Services to sort that referral. I'm chasing it from every angle at the moment and getting nowhere fast. The Child Protection Review is at the end of the month and nothing's changed. I'm livid. I can't do anything to get us off this CP plan but SS aren't doing anything either. It's like, if he's a risk then do something about it... If he's not then fuck off and leave us alone. Sorry for the language!!

Then we have the fact my counselling's finished. I last saw Oya two weeks ago today. I miss her and my safe space so much. My littles are so quiet as they feel she's abandoned them and nothing I say makes them feel better. They don't want me talking to anyone in case they can't handle it and leave too. It hurts too much.

I feel like I don't know what to do with myself right now. I'm low, and having huge problems sleeping. My mind just won't shut off. I can't hear anything clearly though so I can't do anything about the unrest and agitation.

My heart hurts and my body's tired and I've just had enough of everything, but I'm not sure what 'everything' is. I feel like I'm barely hanging on to coping... Work's emotional with all the new starters and the littles don't like the crying.

I played a game round a friend's last night and making our characters freaked out the littles as they sounded scary and we had to choose to be one for our role in the game... We have a few weeks left of the game yet too. I feel silly as it shouldn't matter but it was really difficult last night. It felt like my skin was crawling when the others described themselves. I was a dhampir as it was the most human sounding one... Think vampire, so I have to drink blood... Dreading it.

Everything is really hard.