I'm not sure how I'm feeling at the moment.  It's kind of jumbled.

The only little that's around is Clairabelle, and she's been having a great half-term with the kids.  We've seen butterflies, been to the zoo, been to the beach, seen friends...  it's been lovely.  (The only bad thing was the car crash, but we seem to be minimalising that!)

I've got a shell collection from the beach that she's fiercely protective of.  We've cleaned it, and put them safely in a box, but we know Si hates having that kind of thing in the house as he sees it as 'clutter', so we're debating hiding it from him to make sure it doesn't get thrown out!!  They're really pretty.  I'll have to see if I can post a picture of them later.

Today we're going to see the new Disney film, 'Big Hero 6' which should be lots of fun.

I'm not sure how Titch's doing.  She's been quiet, but I can feel her uncertainty and her fear and anxiety.  I don't like it, and I'm actually looking forward to counselling on Tuesday when maybe me and Oya can make some sense of it.  I know she'll tell me not to rush, and to let her come to me, but I'm scared that she's not going to.  I'm drawn to colouring and doodling right now, and I know that's what she enjoys, so maybe I'll do more of that and she if that helps her talk to me.

Kids are back to school tomorrow, and it's a college study day for me, and then Tuesday is back to work.

I have a procedure on my hip on Friday involving several needles and x-ray pulses to try to combat the pain in my hip.  A couple of weeks ago, I had a similar procedure in my lower spine involving needles and drugs, and it was actually ok.  I made myself write on my admission from that I was an abuse survivor, and that I would prefer a female nurse, and that I was nervous about being touched, and about being undressed in front of men.  The nurse I had was amazing, and so were the team in theatre.  The nurse made sure there was a female nurse in theatre to talk to me, as it was supposed to be an all male team.  Also, they used a light sedation in theatre, and the consultant talked to me throughout the procedure to keep me calm.  It was such a different experience, and I came out feeling on a high for actually being my own advocate.  It was such a feeling of being strong, and being able to speak out for myself (if only at the moment by writing on a form) and getting what I needed to feel safe and in control.  Such a difference from when I had my tonsils out.  Yes, the procedure was painful, but it was manageable, and I coped.