It's been so long!

 I've just found this blog I'd completely forgotten about!

It's been several years since I last posted, but I'm glad I've found my previous ramblings so I can start adding to them again.

So...  nothing's much changed internally...  I'm still dealing with Titch, Belle, Janie and perhaps another who the other's don't let surface.

I'm back in therapy with Oya as since my abuser was released from prison I've been thrown for a bit of a loop.

Initially I was extremely anxious. We've installed a RING doorbell so I can see who's at the door, and I now have a personal alarm in my bag.  I've been uneasy being left downstairs on my own, and had panic attacks leaving for work, and even getting out of the car in the car park there.

I'm feeling less anxious now, and I've been talking with Oya about how to reach out to Titch as she's very angry with me about putting my abuser in prison, and for breaking up their relationship.  I've written a couple of letters to her and she's replied just once, but it was really shouty and angry and she's basically said that she hates me.  

I'm trying to hang on the fact that at least she's responding to me, but it's hard dealing with the angry outbursts.

I'm trying.