Today I'm tired and stressy.

I just want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world.

Yesterday I spent the day feeling shaky and tearful, which started after I damaged the car while nearly crashing it, swerving to avoid a car coming head on at speed down my side of the road in a narrow(ish) lane.   The feeling then just didn't leave me all day.

It might sound odd, but I'm looking forward to being at Great Ormond Street with Dylan next week - only really because I just want some space, and I'm not getting it right now as both the kids are off school.  I'm feeling quite claustrophobic.  I've been quite short-tempered today, and I don't like being short with the kids, but I can't help it.

My head feels kind of swim-my, and I know that sounds weird, but I can't seem to stay focused.  I'm thinking of going to bed, so my battle with staying present can stop.  I don't really care right now what my subconscious (or unconscious) mind brings, I'm just sick of fighting it.

I've been having some "why me?" moments - like "why did he pick me?", "what did I do?", "what could I have done differently?", "what did I do wrong?", "what should I have done/said/etc?"  I know I'll never get those answers, but they do bug me from time to time.  I've also been thinking about what he's thinking right now, and I do worry about him.  I worry about how he's feeling, and what he thinks of me...  I feel bad for telling.  Even after I told I said I'd be quiet about it, and now I'm not.  I feel bad.