So, after getting the all-clear to write a more limited audience journal, I feel the gag's been removed somewhat - although, I'm limited a little in that I can talk about feelings, but not details of what happened or mention names.

At the moment it's all limbo and delays - he's going to be re-bailed soon until mid-May, as the CPS are too busy to review the case till then!  It's crazy.  I first reported this in September last year, and it'll be May before I'm likely to get a decision - so 9 months to get a charge (or multiple) decided upon.

I've felt quite out of control this week, and I've had to have people around me the whole time, and be busy - I even took a sleeping tablet the other night as I didn't want to dream.

Driving's helped calm me down - one afternoon I couldn't focus my thoughts, so I took Niamh in the car and drove to the Nugent to wander round a few shops.  The distraction really helped.

I've had fears about Court circulating round my head.  Although I know I'll give evidence in a separate room, I'm worried about waiting rooms and outside.  Obviously, this is still "what if", as the CPS may decide only to charge him with what he's admitted to.

It's the waiting that's driving me crazy.  I can't relax or move on as I may have to tell everything to a court room and face cross-examination.

I think if the decision is made to take it to court, I'm going to see if my insurance company will cover some more therapy session with Andy.  I'm starting to miss the stability of him and that room as an outlet.  I do feel bad for Andy though as Trish said he'll need to be re-interviewed regularly, so it'll mean extra work for him.