So, in general, life is good.

Preschool placement is going amazingly well - I'm loving it.  I've really chosen the right career path for me.  I've been thrown in the deep end by my manager, but I'm swimming!  I've got a few key children, and I'm doing circle times, snack bar, manning the door...  everything all the rest of the staff do!  She's been so  happy with me that she's offered to contract me into a paid position starting in November!  I'm amazed.  It's £24 a session for now, but that will go up when I qualify - so that means they want to keep me too!   Also, £24 isn't anything to be sniffed at...  4 sessions a week, which is what I have to do for my course, means £96 a week...  so nearly £400 a month I wasn't expecting at all...  that's incredible.

The mortgage is being reassessed in November too, and should mean we're up by around £300 a month, so financially, things will be considerably more comfortable.

The adoption paperwork has been submitted to the court too.  They've returned it once as we managed to miss a section (d'oh!), but we've sorted that out, and will resubmit it today or tomorrow.  It's all so exciting!

College work is easy enough to keep up with - a little stressful when deadlines are looming, but I'm managing.

Cubs is going well too.  I've completed the first 3 modules that are required to run the group, so I'm flying solo for most of November.  I have helpers, so I'm not worried, and it's nice to have that bit of training behind me, and plans in place for the rest.  I just need to complete some stuff on safeguarding - something that is stressing me out, as part of it covers abuse, and things are threatening to bubble over at the moment.

I don't get what's going on.  I've been doing so well, and have been trying just to leave all the abuse stuff on a back burner till nearer the court case.  I've had a few sessions with a counsellor at my GP's surgery, and we've spoke a lot about mindfulness, and basically living for now, as having a nervous breakdown won't bring the court date any closer, so it's best to try to live for now, and worry about that later.

It was working, and things were going really well...  but lately, I feel like things are bubbling under the surface.  It's not a nice feeling.  I do wonder if it's because I've got a lot on...  Dylan's party on Thursday, Cubs on my own in November, the Preschool Christmas Fair...  I don't know.  Something's going to give soon, and it's like a sense of impending doom.

I know I should try and fight the way I'm feeling, and I am trying...  but I hate the constant warring inside!