Counselling this week was intense.  I managed to write out all the littles I'm aware of at the moment.  Titch wouldn't let me name her though, so I only put her age...  and, some of them I don't know their names, only their ages.

13 - Titch - hates me for speaking out about the abuse, both as a child and as an adult
10 - ??  - always scared and anxious
9 - Clairabelle - the happy, content part who loves it when I'm working with preschoolers, or playing with my kids
7 - seems shy, hasn't been around much
?? - rabbit hutch

We spoke quite a lot about Clairabelle, or should I say - Belle - as she shortened her name as it was too long.  We spoke about how she seems to be in her own little bubble, and she wonders as her and the anxious/scared little are so close in age, that I kind of split to be able to cope.  Perhaps I went into the mindscape of Belle to keep me sane while the abuse was happening - she almost seems happy to the point of total oblivion/denial, and the fear/anxiety surrounding what was going on got completely buried.  Problem is, I feel bad about the fact I may have to burst Belle's bubble to bring her on, and to work with her properly...  it makes me feel guilty, and I really don't want to!!

Also, when thinking about Titch - it's the same, I have to get through to her to balance her world too, but don't know how.

My counsellor has made me realise that I need to do things slowly though - she says it shouldn't be too intense to the point of me not being able to function in the real world.  I know she's right, but I want to help them!!