- broken promises
- he might get hurt
- people might think badly of him
- does he hate me?
- what he did was wrong (need to try to work through this)
He lied to me
- did he love me?
- it wasn't ok
- he shouldn't have told me I had to "stand in"
- did I enjoy it?
He knew what he was doing was wrong
- he needs to take the blame
- it wasn't my fault
- he lied to me
- the Jury could see this, so could the police
- it should never had happened
- I should have had a normal, innocent relationship
- I shouldn't have learned about sex that way
He's a child abuser
- potential to re-offend
- a bad person? predator? (hard to think about)
- glad it was only me
- I wasn't special, just an easy target
Did I enjoy it?
- it wasn't ok, it was wrong
- feel bad that it was pleasurable sometimes (a natural response to what was happening to my body, but shouldn't have been happening to it)
- not fair that rape was my sex ed
- I hate that he was my first everything (kiss/touch/virginity)
Sense of accomplishment
- I got through it
- I've protected other children
- made sure the cycle has stopped
- I did it - I was the only witness to come forward, and my evidence was enough
Broken promises
- does he hate me?
- should I have said anything?
- loyalty to me/him?
- need to remember promises were broken on both sides
- promises were inappropriate/shouldn't have been necessary
No other memories of childhood except the abuse
- feels like he's stolen it away
- worried I'll never remember the nice things
Inner child issues
- feel torn
- sometimes feel I'm 9/10/11 and don't understand what's happening/want it to stop but don't want to upset him
- the little girl feels sad, lost and scared
Overwhelming
- where to start?
- what's important?
- am I over-reacting?
- will it ever go away?
- will I be normal?
- will it get worse again?
- fear of flashbacks/nightmares
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