This is essentially what came out of my counselling session today.

We spoke about some of the stuff I'd been feeling...  the money, the worry about a year not being long enough, the fact the more we discuss, the more comes up...  and then we got to the little voices.

We got around to this as the littlest voice I have has already planned how to spend the money, but the 13 year old is stressing about why we got it, what it means, and whether or not it's appropriate. 

This lead to further discussion about the voices.  They're so loud at the moment.  The 13 year old is so angry at what I've done.  For the first time, we started a little dialogue, with me telling Emily what the 13 year old part was thinking/feeling/saying, and then the adult part of me being able to reply to her.  It was a bit weird, and I did feel a bit silly, but it did help, and the 13 year old part of me seemed to listen.  Now she seems upset as I've tried to tell her that I had to make the choice I did to save other children, and that she should have been special to him, but in a proper way...  without it being skewed to keep her silence. 

Now, with my counsellor's suggestion, I've bought a notebook that appealed and some coloured pens, and I'm going to try to write out some of this dialogue...  to see where it leads mainly.  I'll keep you posted.

We also spoke about the fact I feel like I'm not coping, and that I want to just grab a couple of close friends, shake them and say "I'm not ok...  I'm struggling here"...  but I'm not sure how I'd explain what's going on.  I mean, little voices, and the way I've been feeling doesn't really explain easily.