This...  at the moment, very much...  this!!  I want to scream at people...  "you think I'm ok, and yet I'm really not".  I want to shout "help me!"  "Help me get through this" and "hold my hand" and "help me stay together" but I can't, and I know I won't.  

I guess over the years, I've got so good at fooling people, and perfecting the mask I wear that no-one notices.  It makes me sad.  I want to reach out and be honest, but I'm scared.  People think I'm strong, and happy...  but I feel weak and sad and low and lonely.  I'm sick of pretending, but I'm scared to stop. 

Thing is, I want someone to listen, and to help me, but I'm not even sure what I'd say.  I just want someone to "get it", but I'm not sure I really know what "it" is.